Many bears in Berlin

A trip to Berlin. This was for our first “HR learning week”. We’ve been trying to get the HR community together for a concentrated period to undertake some professional training, and had plans to combine this with some community events.

I flew out from LHR. I don’t know why it is, but BA flights to Germany on a Sunday are always an hour late. I haven’t been brave enough to factor this into my planning so invariably get there early and end up hanging around longer (often typing these).

Flight uneventful (when it left) so landed about 7pm. Quickly retrieved my bag and a short and relatively cheap ride to the Schweizerhof hotel in Budapesterstrasse, opposite the Tiergarten (Berlin’s equivalent of Regent’s Park complete with Zoo- Tiergarten literally translates as “animal garden”).

Met with my colleague Benoit. In the foyer we met some American colleagues. I was feeling a little antisocial as I could feel I was coming down with a cold, so wasn’t at my friendliest, and Benoit and I set off to find a restaurant. A short walk took us to a likely looking bar restaurant and in we went. On the way I was struck by the amount of sculpture (rather good) that Berlin has in its streets.

The food in the restaurant might best be described as “hearty”- plenty of it, not unpleasant, but pretty stodgy. Waiter a little confused as Benoit and I were conversing in French, though I was ordering in German, and he told me in halting French that I spoke very good German for a Frenchman. Didn’t have the heart to tell him.

Awoke next day feeling like death, with rampaging flu. Attended a meeting with Anja, Catherine and an external guy called Paul, who was running some sessions. Paul is an interesting guy who comes from the US but has lived in Germany for many years. He does a lot of other stuff but he does a lot of theatre and also runs a charity sending clowns into hospitals to encourage sick children.

Paul is a very tall guy, and immediately on meeting him you can see from his way of dressing, and his “designer” glasses, that he wants to project an image of being out of the ordinary.

Anyway we started discussing Paul’s sessions and his role in the Wednesday night “Oscar” ceremony. One thing I hadn’t realized (I am not sure anyone did) is that Paul has another persona, “Gloria” and was planning to appear at the ceremony as Gloria.

Paul gave me a photo of “Gloria”. One day my wife will find this and I will have to explain why I have a photo of a female impersonator, and that it’s all to do with work (honestly darling).

Anyway we hit it off with Paul and I felt good that it would be a successful collaboration.

Felt terrible so went back to bed for several hours, skipping a lunch with our American collaborators, who must have thought I was avoiding them. Awoke late afternoon and went out for a walk to find something to eat.

Walked down to the nearest square and took a look at the “Gedachtniskirche”, an old church of which only really the tower now remains after the bombing of Berlin in WW2. A very poignant monument, with a very interesting modern church built next door to replace it. Couldn’t find anywhere I fancied for a quick lunch, so decided to slum it and go to McDonalds. Even by McDo standards this was disgusting, especially as the restaurant appeared to describe the concept of heat to the food, rather than applying any. The result was that any warmth in the food was “virtual”, so I left it as I had little appetite anyway.

Back for a meeting with Anja and Catherine to finalise the admin for the Oscars, and then we took a taxi to the venue for Wednesday night, to test it out. A very nice Austrian taxi driver pointed out all the interesting sights on the way to the restaurant. This was in Kreuzberg, a suburb on the “Eastern” side (the definition of East and West Berlin bears little relation to real geography), which we were told is now considered trendy. Had a look at the private room which was perfect, and then an enjoyable meal in the restaurant.

Back to the hotel and a night of complete obliteration as I fought the fever. I had to visit the bathroom in the small hours, and getting back into bed was like getting into a swimming pool, so I switched beds (twin room). When I woke in the morning this too was soaked. Must have confused the hotel staff who made up my room, wondering who was my feverish midnight cohabiter.

I was also pleased on registering that we all received key rings with the emblem of Berlin- a bear. I am a sucker for teddy bears. I carry him all over the world.

I was involved in the HR new joiners class, and we had a great and lively bunch of individuals. I love doing this class because I get to meet most of the new joiners in HR. Can be a bit embarrassing a few months later when they say hello to you in a Munich corridor and you are struggling to remember their name, but it’s great to get to know all the newbies.

Great start to the day- the icebreaker exercise involves the teams having to introduce themselves as a consultancy, as a vehicle for talking about their experience in a more interesting way than just going round the room. Lots of energy in this, and I was amused by the Eastern European folk, who styled themselves as “Gary’s Angels”. You can’t beat old-fashioned flattery. Guess who won the prize.

Lather, in line with tradition, I gave them the evening team exercise, which contained cryptic clues about Berlin. The prize is given not to the most accurate team, but the ones with the most interesting presentation of their answer. From the energy level it was obvious that there would be some interesting outcomes.

Off in a coach to the restaurant. I was a little horrified on arrival – as we are encouraging the teams to give outrageous presentations we normally have a private room to avoid embarrassment- so I was shocked to see that we were not alone, with an open area and other diners there. Anyway we improvised and went out to a cloakroom area for the presentations. These were classics, including bribes to the judges, ( an HR manager from Turkey who bears an uncanny resemblance to Britney Spears ( and who shall remain anonymous) gave me a beautiful rose and I blew her a kiss- my colleague that is- not Britney), There were very creative presentations. Memorable for me in particular was Sandy (the HR manager for South Africa I met in Paris- see last posting), who gave a spirited performance as “mummy bear” in a solution based on a Goldilocks spoof. Good to see that she is as crazy as the rest of us. The look of consternation on the face of arriving diners in the entrance below was classic.

Anyway after careful debate the prizes went to a singing group. It was interesting to observe the reactions of the other diners as we came back from the cloakroom. I think they were convinced that we were insane. Not far wrong really.

Next day and time to change for the Oscars. Problem with the shirt I had planned to wear, so I wore a black one instead (with a black suit) My Dutch friend Frans later told me that he thought I looked like a vicar – now there’s an image.

Off to the restaurant with Anja and Vanessa from Holland. Commented to Vanessa that the cobbled streets and the canal was reminiscent of Amsterdam. “Not really” she said, “you can park your cars on both sides of the street here”.

Downstairs to find Paul/Gloria. We asked the lady at the cloakroom for Paul and she looked blank. Finally a look of recognition passed over her face. “Oh, die Lady” she said and pointed us to where “Gloria” had changed. Anja removed her coat to reveal a stunning outfit. A final run through of the running order and we went up to eat.

Met my team members Colin and Kyran who were sat at the front table with Frans. “We wanted to be in best heckling position” they told me. That’s teamwork.

At the end of the main course we presented the first five Oscars. (The trophies were again statues of the Berlin Bear). The chemistry between, Anja, “Gloria” and myself seemed good and we were just as funny as he was.

Notable was the newcomer award which went to Malgosia- a Gary’s Angel. Malgosia gave an acceptance speech worthy of the real thing……..

A break for the dessert and the remaining five Oscars. We had decided that one Oscar would be “random”. We wanted to make the point that the whole HR community does fantastic work and that anyone could deserve one, so we encouraged people at their tables to nominate a winner to be drawn by lot. We had a small attempt at vote rigging at one table with a particular team nominating their boss multiple times, but I saw this and removed the extra nominations.

I was one of a team given a surprise Oscar and acquired another bear. Result.

Back to the hotel. Catherine, Anja and I sat and had a quiet discussion which I must confess was probably a little “mutual admiration club”, but hey, we are allowed to do it once. I love working with them both.

A quick chat with the two delegates who had come from Canada,- not sure what they made of us), and then off to talk with the French delegates. Decided a bit later that my French was sounding terrible even to me, so it must be bedtime.

Next evening met one of my team in the hotel bar, to have a formal career discussion over a beer (very civilized). The others who were dining (greatly amused by our combination of business and pleasure) interrupted to leave us the address of the restaurant they were going to. We wrapped up about 7.30 and joined them at the Italian.

The restaurant was crazy. We arrived 45 minutes after the others and they had yet to receive menus (in the end someone went and took some). We ordered drinks and wine and some communal antipasti.

Everything seemed to happen very slowly. Most of the waiters appeared to be either mentally disturbed or to have had a frontal lobotomy (or both). Our principal waiter was extremely strange. One very strange thing he did was that when we ordered some red wine, he was so concerned to ensure that the wine was good he poured himself a half glass to so that he could quality check it for us, a process he repeated with later bottles. There’s customer service for you.

The process of ordering main courses seemed incredibly complicated, not helped by the fact that our principal waiter seemed unable to speak the same language for several sentences at a time. I wondered if it was a ploy to unsettle us, but we had to ask for some things in English, some in German and some in Italian. Maybe it was his dedicated wine tasting clouding his speech centres.

Because we were late, Kyran and I sat at the far end of the table (there were 14 of us), and were having a lively conversation with Vicky and another colleague who I shall keep anonymous. Our anonymous colleague was talking about her latest date which she had apparently negotiated whilst having too much to drink at a function, and she expressed some uncertainty as to whether she would recognise him again.

We all began an extremely animated, risqué (and hilarious) conversation about the mystery man, who we code-named “Zorro”. Kyran was particularly animated, and was falsely accused by folks at the other end of having overdone the old vino.

The main courses when they came were surprisingly good, despite the chaos amongst the servers. Dessert and coffee were a shambles.

It really fell apart when we asked for the bill to be split three ways. This completely defeated the restaurant staff and a 45 minute wait ensued. In desperation they came and gave us free glasses of limoncello, a deadly lemon liqueur.

Finally they presented us with three uneven bills (couldn’t just divide by three obviously). Paid my share and back to the hotel. The hotel was heaving. There was a conference of a German church-based insurance company taking place at the hotel and both the lobby and the bar were heaving with delegates. All services in the hotel on both Thursday night and Friday were stretched to breaking by the volume of people. Clearly this church had no prohibition on alcohol consumption.

Friday had a meeting with Benoit, (we met in the lobby which seemed to be full with the same people from the conference – maybe they were there all night) and some time to take a walk around some of the sights. From the hotel walking parallel to the Tiergarten you pass a series of embassies. The Saudis are building a new embassy- hope it looks better when it is finished.

I was impressed by the Brandenberg Gate and Unter den Linden. Cannot see what the fuss is for Norman Foster’s new Reichstag building- looks boring to me.

Potsdamer Platz is fantastic. Built on what I understand was “no man’s land”, it’s an amazing mix of architecture (especially interesting at night), and humbling to think that you can eat and drink in comfort on a spot where people were shot trying to escape from the East.

It was interesting to walk past the building in Leipzigerstrasse where the German Democratic Republic (East Germany) was proclaimed, (I always thought GDR was an odd name- it’s not as if West Germany was undemocratic). The mosaic showing heroic workers in a socialist paradise was truly poignant.

I was really moved at Checkpoint Charlie. I don’t know whether they are in business for themselves or paid for by local authorities, but the people at the checkpoint dressed in old American uniforms and selling replica visas left me feeling very unsettled. When one considers the people who lost their lives trying to cross to the West, I didn’t feel this was wholly tasteful- maybe it’s just me.

Back to the hotel passing Potsdamer Platz again. I’m sounding like an architecture buff, but I can only assume that the Berlin Philharmonic Concert Hall has great acoustics. It’s the only reason I think of for building it that ugly. Herbert von Karajan must haunt the place in disgust.

Uneventful ride to the airport. One unusual thing was that the driver asked me which gate my plane left from. I’m used to being asked which terminal, but not which gate. Anyway it was displayed on a sign and I checked in. Too late did I realize the significance of his question. I always prefer to go airside immediately so went through passport control and security, looking for the lounge. It’s not like that at Berlin Tegel. At gate 3 there was just a gate, some seats , two toilets and a broken coke machine. Flight was delayed so sat there miserable for an hour with nothing to eat or drink.

Flight completely packed, but was absorbed in my book so didn’t notice. Back home an hour late, but two bears the richer. So a good result overall.